*asks ouija board what’s for dinner*
*finger slides to the d*
when my mom was pregnant she would put a walkman up to her stomach and play cher’s greatest hits and she apologizes for it every day because she thinks that’s what made me gay
Amanda Bynes wasn’t allowed on a flight because she didn’t have proper id because the id she tried to use was “im Amanda Bynes google me”
sometimes i feel sad then i remember issac newtons hair
he may have discovered gravity but that luxurious flowing mane sure hasnt damn son
i cybered on omegle today
- You: hi
- Stranger: hey
- You: wanna cyber
- Stranger: Depends are you a girl? ;)
- You: ya
- Stranger: And okay then, you start?
- You: i come into ur bedroom
- You: and ur sleeping
- You: and i crawl under your blanket
- Stranger: I'm still asleep
- You: u feel me pulling down ur pants
- You: and u wake up and smile
- Stranger: I kiss you gently, still sleepy
- You: then i smile and open the scissors around your dick and snap them closed
- You: cutting off your penis
- Stranger: wait
- You: THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR CHEATING ON ME
- Stranger: Then what...?
- You: I HATE YOU
- Stranger: I didn't cheat
- You: you bleed to death in your bed
- Stranger: i didn't cheat on you. lets restart ok
- You: nobody ever knows what happened
- You: i flee to mexico with your Mercedes
- You: the end
- Stranger: I have a mercedes?
- You: not anymore faggot
- Your conversation partner has disconnected.
